The Odyssey, Retold

Brian sauntered into Gabby’s room and plopped himself with a smug smile on the straight-backed chair near the door. “Have you finished reading The Odyssey yet? I just got done with it.”

Gabriella glanced up from her book for a moment and murmured, “Been there, done that.”

 “It was such a great read!” Brian exclaimed. “Homer sure knows how to write. And when you tie it to The Iliad, it’s so much better. And the heroes in the stories are so cool and interesting!”

“Like who?” Gabby queried.

“Achilles, of course! He was so brave.”

Gabby rolled her eyes. “He was a total butcher. Even the rivers wanted to drown him. The only reason he survived to the end of the story is because of Hera.”

“I liked Ajax the Younger, too!”

“He was a completely brainless monster!” Gabby remarked, trying her best to stifle back a sigh. “He went against Athena and got himself impaled on a rock.”

“Boy, you really hate those two, don’t you!” Brian gasped. “You sure don’t have anything against Odysseus, do you?”

Gabby sat up. “Don’t get me started on him!”

“Why? He was the smartest of the bunch. He made sure everything was peaceful among the Greeks, and, of course, he made the Trojan Horse himself. Tell me that wasn’t clever!” Brian almost shouted, glad that he had scored one over Gabby.

“Did you even read The Odyssey?” Gabby arched her eyebrows. “The blunders he made on the sail back to home in Ithaca. Sure doesn’t seem smart to me!”

“What are you talking about?” Brian frowned. “Don’t you remember he faced the deadly sirens by strapping himself to the mast?”

“Yeah, let’s talk about that, shall we?” Gabby leaned forward. “Circe warned him that the sirens lured sailors to their doom with their songs. She even offered him and his men a way to escape it by stuffing their ears with beeswax.”

“And that’s exactly what they did,” Brian retorted smugly.

“But he himself didn’t, did he?” Gabby replied. “He wanted to listen to their music and didn’t stuff wax in his ears himself.”

“So that’s why he had himself tied to the ship’s mast.” Brian had her cornered.

“Think about it,” Gabby pointed out. “He’s been away 20 years from his wife and son, they’re being tormented by thugs, and what does he do? He goes off to a music concert, played by the sirens, of all things! Nice way to arrange his priorities, right? Smart thinking, I think not.”

Brian reluctantly conceded to Gabby’s reasoning. “You may have a small point there, but there are so many other times he was really clever.”

“Like when? Remember the bag of winds?” Gabby remarked.

“Sure, and he was smart in that case.” Brian quickly stood out of his chair in excitement. “He had his friend Aeolus tie up all the storms in a bag so that they could sail smoothly to Ithaca. If that’s not a clever idea, what is?”

“And how did that turn out?” Gabby looked at him sideways.

“It was not his fault that his men opened the bag and let loose the storms when they were close to home and got blown all the way back.” Brian explained.

Gabby squinted her eyes. “Actually, it was his fault.”

“How? He specifically told his men not to open the bag.”

“Yeah, but he did not tell them why. For all they knew, he could have been hiding a bag of treasure. They got curious, like anyone would.”

Brian, slouching down on the chair, looked puzzled. “What should he have done, do you think?”

“He should have either stayed awake a few more minutes until they got home, or he should have told the other sailors what was in the bag,” Gabby continued. “Draw a skull and crossbones or something. That’s not hard, is it?”

“Yeah, I kinda thought he could have done better, myself.” Brian acknowledged. “But you’ve got to admit the incident with the cyclops was pure genius.”

Gabby’s mouth hung open is disbelief. “Are you kidding me?”

“No, I’m totally not. He called himself literally as “Nobody” when he and his men are trapped in the giant cyclops’ cave. Then he and his men escape under sheep when he lets them out to pasture. The best part was when he blinded the evil giant so he couldn’t follow them!” Brian grandly stated.

“And then …” Gabby implored.

“That was it, they escaped.” Brian shrugged. Sighing, Gabby felt as if he had just skimmed through the book.

“Let me refresh your memory,” Gabby started. “Just as he escaped, your smart hero shouted out his real name! Just think about it--he’s almost got out scot free, and he pretty much yells out ‘nyah, nyah, I’m Odysseus!’ Seriously?”

“Yeah, a bit of glitch in the plan,” Brian muttered.

“Yeah, ‘a bit of a glitch.’ The cyclops called his father. And who was the father?”

“Poseidon.”

“Only the second most powerful god in Greece. And what did Poseidon do?”

“Poseidon gave Odysseus a lot of grief.”

“A lot of grief?” Gabby exclaimed in incredulity. “That single incident alone turned what should have been a short trip from Troy to Ithaca into a 10-year long miserable journey. He nearly died on the way. For a supposedly smart man, he sure had a funny way of showing his smartness.”

“You know, you do have a point.” After what seemed like an eternity of silence, Brian finally spoke again. “Maybe we should stop being friends.” He rushed out of his chair, which nearly tipped over, and rushed down the steps.

“Don’t be silly.” Gabby sighed as she stood at the top of the steps.